


Sunbeam - Character drabbles

by Silvestrius



Series: Snake Squad [1]
Category: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Blood and Injury, Brief Mention of Blood, Brief existential crisis, Brief mention of needles, Clone Trooper Angst (Star Wars), Discussion of Injury, Eventual Fluff, Gen, He ain’t in a good spot, He’s mostly ok tho, Hospitals, I think that’s what it is?, Major Character Injury, Minor Character Death, Nightmares, No Beta We Die Like Clones, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Trauma, like in one sentence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-18
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-13 21:54:49
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,132
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29532999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silvestrius/pseuds/Silvestrius
Summary: Sunbeam character exploration!Ch1 - How he got his scarsAka. I’ve become too attached to this grumpy boi and ended up writing angst very late at night.
Series: Snake Squad [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2169711





	Sunbeam - Character drabbles

**Author's Note:**

> Hahahhhh I’m continuing the trend of only writing angst, sorry guys! I have checked it over a little bit, but there still maybe some grammar/spelling mistakes. If you spot any, please don’t hesitate to point them out! I’ve not posted anything on here before so I’m not entirely sure how tagging works, if you feel like they need to be updated in anyway, again, drop me a message or comment. 
> 
> Kudos and comments are very much appreciated! Who knows, they may result in more lil Snake Squad stories...

_Darkness_. Something heavy on his face. The feeling of floating just outside his body, his limbs curiously light and blurred at the extremities. 

He crawled his way closer to consciousness, uncurling from the muted darkness. 

Electronic bleeping. The familiar thud of standard issue boots passing by, a low murmur of voices, slowly growing more distinct. 

Disinfectant. The sharp tang of sterile habitats, the heavy cloying scent of bacta. An undertone of metallic blood. 

_What was that on his face?_

The beeping picked up, mirroring the steady beat thrumming through his body. White began unfurling in his vision, his eyes slowly creeping open. Another alarm went off close by, the voices now snapping into clarity, terse voices and shouted orders. He could feel his body grounding, aware now of the flaked layer of something on his skin. Footsteps, coming closer. 

“Hey vod, you awake yet?”

A tan blur in the white, sharpening into a familiar face. Off white sterile walls, bright lights. Too bright. He squinted. 

“Oh, let me sort that for you,”

The lights dimmed. He blinked. 

“Check in with me trooper, how are you feeling? Any pain?”

No, he felt curiously empty, mind floating in a warm fug. He tried shaking his head, but was reminded of the heavy something currently covering it. That was irritating. What was it? Furrowing his brow, he reached a tentative hand to his face. 

“Woah, hey, you don’t want to touch that,”

Something grasped his wrist and gently tugged it back down to his side, but not before he could feel the soft texture of bandages. His face, what had happened to his face? Several things registered at once, the darkness swimming at the left edge of his vision, the dull prickling, and the flash of blaster-fire illuminated fangs bearing down on him, screaming, empty hands being swatted aside by a gleaming-sledgehammer paw....

The beeps skyrocketed as he instinctively lurched forwards, then a firm hand was planted on his chest, pushing him back down. 

“Steady there vod, you’re safe now. Breathe with me.”

Adrenaline drained from his limbs, erratic breathing slowly smoothing out as he focused on the in-out steady rise-and-fall of the medic’s chest. He was shaking, he realised distantly. 

“That’s it. You’re safe here. I’ve got you.”

Memories began filtering back in, information slotting into place as he pieced together the events that had led him here. A patrol in the dazzling verdant jungle, scouting ahead for potential dangers, his squad-mate’s yell of warning and the building, bone rattling percussive thuds of a large animal barrelling towards them...

He shuddered. “How did I...” he broke off coughing, his throat dry, pain crackling around his jaw. 

“Here,” A flimsicup of ice chips was pushed into his hands. “Your squad carried you back to base; you caused quite the fuss with half your bucket caved in. We had to transfer you back to the cruiser and dump you in a bacta tank.”

“And...?” he gestured towards the bandages. 

The medic grimaced, the tattoo on his temple scrunching up. “We did the best we could, but the left side of your face took quite the beating. The bacta should help reduce the scarring, but it’s fairly extensive. You won’t have much range of motion in it, and it’ll be stiff and sore for a while. And your left eye....there wasn’t much we could do to save it. Best case, you’ll regain partial sight in it as you heal, worst case, and most likely, it’ll be fully blind. Won’t be too much of a scout anymore, I’m afraid.”

A dull ache grew in his stomach. Half blind. No use for scouting anymore, there was not much to be done in terms of compensating for his loss, he’d lose some of his peripheral. Possibly even his depth perception. He certainly couldn’t be trusted for missions that required full awareness of his surroundings, livewire instincts backed up with deadly precision. It was a miracle that they’d even bothered to waste the resources on him, to save a broken soldier who couldn’t do his duty anymore...

“Hey, don’t go there trooper.” A hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently, tearing him away from his downwards spiral. “There’s still things that can be done. You’re an ARC, your skill set runs beyond just fighting. I’m going to apply for a cybernetic, but,” the medic heaves a bone-deep sigh, exhaustion sitting in his shoulders and the lines around his hazel eyes. “Demand is so high, and the waiting list is backed up by months. Your status as an ARC should at least put you a bit higher, but I can’t guarantee anything anytime soon, or that my request will even be approved.” 

He nods, still reeling. 

“But hey, we can hope! There’s got to be some light in this kriffed up galaxy, right?” The smile accompanying the statement is world-weary and in no small part cynical, but there’s a warm glint to the medic’s eyes. Another gentle squeeze on his shoulder. 

“Well, I better be off, the latest casualties are starting to come in, and from what I’ve heard, we’re going to need all hands on deck. It was quite a nasty one. Finish those ice chips and someone will be round to check on you at some point. Oh, and don’t even think of getting out of that bed, trooper, or you’ll rue the day you were decanted!”

That flippant threat almost drew a smile. Every brother knew not to cross a medic, and he’d heard enough tales of terrifying, hypospray-wielding MOs from his squad-mates to develop a healthy respect for them. He watched the retreating form, before something he said hit him. 

“Wait, my squad, do you know if they’re alright?”

“Hmmm?” The medic paused, turning in the doorway. 

“My squad, Astar, did they survive the battle?”

He frowned. “I’ll check the casualty reports for you, I’ll come tell you once I’m off shift.”

“Thank you.”

“Well, I’m off. There’s plenty more di’kuts that need to be stitched up.” And with a grin and lighthearted salute, he was left alone. 

_Time passed, darkness swirling and abating as he sank in and out of consciousness until a frazzled face appeared, flecks of blood still sitting his cheek._

“Astar squad, right?”

“Yes.”

There was a hollowness to the medic’s eyes that he didn’t like. A heaviness. With a quick, confirming glance at the datapad clutched in his hand, he sighed heavily. 

“I’m sorry. They didn’t make it.”

“Who?” The creeping dread was back, insidious claws raking at his insides. The medic bowed his head, said softly,

“All of them. Astar squad was reported killed in action. Commando droids, it says.”

And the world dropped from beneath him, because they were gone. No, they couldn’t be! Not all of them. He couldn’t be alone. His brothers, squad-mates, the whirlwind of bright-happy-warmth-safety....no. They wouldn’t have left him! 

“I’m so sorry.”

_He was completely and utterly **alone** , he couldn’t breathe, and the rising tide of panic was threatening to consume him. Alone. Gone. He wasn’t there to protect them. They died. He should have been faster, better, avoided the lizard so he could be with them, die with them, not left behind..._

And he was falling, tumbling, blind. 

THUD

Solid ground, but it was still pitch black. Mist shifted around him as a red glow crept up, staining the darkness ever higher with crimson. There were four figures in front of him, backs facing him, bloody light glinting off their weathered plastoid. He recognised them...something familiar...

They turned. Buckets off. His squad-mates, blaster holes still glowing faintly, blood staining armour, still dripping from blade wounds. Dead, cold eyes turned on him; they took a step closer. 

“Where were you ‘beam?”

“We trusted you, you said our lives were everything to you.”

“Brother.”

“You said you would protect us.”

“Sunbeam,”

“Why?”

“Why did you leaves us? Abandon us?”

“Join us.”

“It’s what you deserve, traitor.”

“We’re you’re family,”

“You failed us.”

They circled him, terrible mockeries of his brothers, spitting poison, each dart hitting home. He trembled, desperate, shrinking in, away from their truths. 

“No, please, I swear, I loved you! I would do anything to have been there, please! Vod’e!”

The scene changes rapidly, mist curling around the animated corpses, patching gaping holes, leaving his brothers as whole as he last saw them. Muted flora appears through the fog, painting a verdant jungle scene. They patrol, moving cautiously forwards, guns up. A rustle in the bushes ahead; they tense. With a whine of servos, commando droids drop from the surrounding trees, and there is a slaughter. He watches, shaking, curled on his knees, as his brothers are cut down, one by one. By the end, he can barely seen through his tears, throat hoarse from screaming, though his cries never change anything. The macabre show moves to its final act, a droid coated in a new glimmer of molten ruby stalks towards him, vibrosword raised....

And he jolts awake, chest heaving, in his bunk. Tears slide gently into his lap; he notes the tremble in his limbs. Whining, his cybernetic eye adjusts to the darkness of his room, dimensions lighting up in a lurid green. After a few moments, he wrestles control of his erratic breathing, waits a few more and his heart stops trying to break through his chest. The usual nausea climbs his throat, but he rides it out with practice ease. He closes his eyes, bows his head. Soaks in the quiet hum of the ship around him, grounds himself in the present. With a deep breath, he gathers himself and slips out of his bunk, padding towards the fresher. 

Fumbling slightly with the door, he heads to the wash basin, splashes cold water on his face. The shock of freezing liquid jolts away the last buzzing remnants of the nightmare. It’d been several rotations since he’d last had one quite as bad as this. He’d thought he might have finally be rid of them, or at least have a reprise. He laughs, short and unpleasant; his demons wouldn’t leave that easily, his guilt was a stubborn, calcified mass that wasn’t going anywhere soon. 

Running a hand over his face, he looks up into the tarnished mirror above the sink. With the steady orange glow of his eye, he supposed he didn’t appear too far off a demon himself. He looked haggard, a slight stubble coating his jaw, exhaustion muddling his organic eye. The war was dragging on with no end in sight, continuing to devour the lives thrust in its path. It was draining, in both body and mind, and if he was honest, he wasn’t sure how much more he could take before it left him an empty shell. But he would continue to weather it, to battle through, leave pieces of himself crushed into bloodstained combat ground after combat ground. To carry the memory of his brothers on, and to give this new lot a chance to live more, have longer than they’d had. He snorted. Listen to him, getting all sentimental. He fought because he didn’t have a choice, because that’s what they were made to do. That’s what he was good at. 

A dull itch began in his left eye, slowly increasing in intensity. Absently, he gave it a scratch, and was met with a sharp jolt of electrical shock. Growling, he ran his fingers over the knotted scars on his face, giving one last look in the mirror, before returning to his bunk and closing his eyes. He would be forever grateful for the cybernetic, but damn did it give him a headache sometimes. The itching was especially pronounced after a dream like that, and activating the night mode didn’t help. Maybe he’d ask the others about it. His squad had plenty of scars of their own, as well as knowledge picked up from all over. 

Frowning, he ran that sentence back in his head. Since when had he started referring to the bunch of mismatched di’kuts as his? Admittedly, they’d been together for several months by now, with many successful missions under their belts, but when had it changed from ‘the others’ to ‘his’? They were, for the most part, pains in the ass, sarcastic, antagonist, squabbling, utter bastards, who were incredibly competent clanker-scrappers. But they were also fiercely loyal, had your back no matter what, and underneath all the bluster, they cared. Deeply. 

The sharp, bleeding, harsh edges were beginning to smooth out, and he could see a way in which the broken puzzle could form into a harmonious whole. And for once, in what felt like forever, he felt hopeful. A family was forming here, one that he felt he could be part of, could stand behind. Something to fight for. 

**Author's Note:**

> So yeah! Hope you enjoyed it! I know my writing isn’t the best, but I’m trying to get it back up to scratch so I can do more clone angst and share a bit more about my ocs with you guys!


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